If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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