goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Acid is not a monday night drug
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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