so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
