obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
