I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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