like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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