was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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