Well douche your snatch and let's go!
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm bleeding and have questions
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
