At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Come see our sink grown plant.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
