I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
