I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
