The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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