i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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