so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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