She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
