I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
