party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
