why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
