Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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