I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
sex in a hospital.. check
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
