Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize