He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
