Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Hippo gnu deer
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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