there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Randomize
