peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
