Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
