and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
zippers are such a cool invention
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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