You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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