College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
