Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
