Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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