I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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