what day is it and did you see me today?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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