I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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