are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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