I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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