Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you didnt know i had herpes?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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