so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
