i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Randomize
