so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
