Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
