guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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