when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
