PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
