hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
