Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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