Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
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