Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
