My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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