Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
