He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
