i permit you to call me
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
