What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
We got so high we made milksteak
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
