Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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