Porn is love you can see.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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