I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
