i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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