i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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