remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
