I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
