Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
