Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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