Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
