We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
