I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
