So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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